Much time wasted

When I think about all the time I spent feeling a sense of emptiness, or all the chances I had to enjoy something (anything at all) I get quite furious with myself. Upon looking back however, I slowly realize that there was no way I could have felt any different. That thought process still happens to this day, for you will come to learn much of this blog so far has been the events leading up to present day. After all I still have to convey, this predicament is still not over for me, thus this system of thinking is ever going.

I have more words to those who may be experiencing this as well, just as you may have expected (which is what I'm counting on.) You very well become very mad at yourself, but chances are, you won't be able to explain why. In fact, you're probably going to be mad at everything. I expressed before that I personally felt extremely mad and undesirable as well. It was almost as if everyone knew what was "wrong" with me, even though I hadn't told nearly anyone outside my family. As you have collected I have a wonderful boyfriend, but I was convinced things would change between us due to the situation.

I believe this was mainly due to what the doctor told me to consider. He was with me in the room when she told me to start thinking about having children a bit sooner than I may have planned. This was due to the fact that the cells may very well come back, and at some point, a hysterectomy might be in order. Look, I know those are uncomfortable words for some members of my audience to read, but it is a reality that many women face, and I would rather have them be the only appreciative, smaller audience than have a huge amount of people who can't stand my content. Any who, neither of us are being anywhere close to being ready for children, so I was convinced that would scare him away. Not to mention how undesirable I would feel to him if I had the "H" word. Bottom line is this, he stayed. In the long run no one was judging me, and no one will judge you. Support, support, support. I'll say it a thousand times, but its out there to anyone who will accept it. Try and do yourself one thing if any, and don't waste any time.